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Rhythm Heaven is one of my all-time favorite games. So one would expect it was really exciting to see that GameStop finally had the new sequel in stock. I had been visiting the shop for months just to see if Rhythm Heaven Fever was available. One day, in my anticipation, I found that only one copy was left on the shelf. It was a used copy, and the front artwork was missing.

It had been replaced by GameStop's signature cover (the green one with anime stylization). I picked up the case and brought it to the cashier, regardless of my worries that it wouldn't play properly. The cashier said that the game was on sale and that I could pay half price...for some reason. I just accepted the deal and handed over fifteen dollars. Found out later Amazon had it at way cheaper.

As I went home, I made myself overjoyed. It became harder to force away my doubts.

My mistake.

Always my mistake.

I immediately ran downstairs to my Wii, turned on the console, shoved in the game and waited. As the Wii Home Screen appeared, the logo for Rhythm Heaven Fever looked...distorted. Font change, maybe? Someone might have hacked it with the HomeBrew channel or something. Nonetheless, the main menu of the game looked just the same. I went to the file select and saw that there was only one file: DOn'T. I instantly figured that this was hacked. I started a new file, just in case deleting it would screw up the game for good. I read BEN.

I named my file "Big Sis" like I always do and started with the rhythm test. I did a little worse than I expected at the test. But maybe I shouldn't be too hard for myself. When the test was over, I moved on to the first level. This one features monkeys playing golf. This game started out normally, with the golfer and Monkey co-op golfing. I got the hang of it real quickly. Then, Mandrill came, and I smiled at how cute the game turned out to be. Whenever Mandrill threw the ball, I couldn't hit it. I got frustrated.


Mandrill claimed that I was a failure and threw the ball again. This seemed a little harsh for such a bright game. As I swung the time, I missed so bad that the ball hit my leg. However...it seemed to do more than simply hurt me comically. It was serious. It broke the shin of my character. The broken bone split through the skin. Blood splattered all over my body. Monkey and Mandrill just left the golfer lying on the golf course, screaming in agony. The screen immediately went to the game select. It said I had passed with a "Superb" rank. Curiosity and, half-baked safety convinced me to check out the description of the game. It read:

"You have survived the first torture test."

When I finally got around to See-Saw game, the characters were sad and lonely looking. They jumped dismally on the see-saw until halfway through the song, when the characters jumped higher. The game progressed in slow-motion and the two characters jumped up to the steel factory rafters. See asked Saw if he wanted to go through with this. Saw said yes because he had nothing else to live for. Then, the two jumped together from the rafters. The song stopped playing. I was losing tolerance for this. I looked behind me, expecting some demon. There was no one in the room but me.

See and Saw closed their eyes and hit the ground with a sickening splat noise, body parts now everywhere. The screen blackened. The game went to the review section.

It said, "THAT'S WHaT i DiD. THeY HaTeD Me. So i KiLLeD MySeLF."

I took the game over to my friend's house the next day. He had the HomeBrew channel downloaded onto his Wii, so I decided to see if someone had messed with the coding. Sure enough, there was a program inserted into the game called "RhythmHellBeta."

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